Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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