Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
