ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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