i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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