he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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