The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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