Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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