Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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