I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
