I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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