he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
