So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
