she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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