I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
