i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
