Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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