listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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