all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
