it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
