I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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