Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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