a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
