Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
