Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
