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But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
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