Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
