If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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