i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
