i may or may not be watching the land before time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
