Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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