I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
