can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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