Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
