I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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