My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
