I just made out with a guy for $7.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
