The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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