I think I am morally bankrupt
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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