Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
