he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
