I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
