please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
