My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
