I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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