You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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