My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize