there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
