it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
