we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
