Moan for me like Helen Keller
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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