Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
