Your mouth is God's brothel.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
