i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
