the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize