What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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