Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
