he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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