Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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