Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
