i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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