the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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