so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
