You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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