Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize