i just had sex bonerless
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
