she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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