Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize