Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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